My wife wants to adopt another child
Before I write another word, let me write these four; I love my wife.
Ione is a wonderful person. I love her for many reasons, but most of all because she has such a good heart.
When I met her, I came home and told my mom I finally found a girl I could love unconditionally.
From the start, Ione has been a better person than I am. When we were first married she brought home stray dogs and kittens. At one time we had three cats, four dogs and a room in the garage where she nursed broken wings and baby squirrels. Most of the neighborhood kids hung out at our apartment because Ione is so kind.
When we graduated and moved into our first house, Ione found out she couldn't have children. She didn't seem to care - my mothe says if Ione were forty years younger, she would be a hippie, like my mom was when she was young. Ione said she didn't need to give birth to be a real mother. She didn't want to go the technological route and get pregnant.
It was okay with her, she said, for us to adopt. I thought that was terrific. I love kids too.
Our first child is from Columbia. Dan is a terrific boy, and is doing well in the Minneapolis public schools. Our second is (they tell us) Dan's biological sister, although I doubt it. Carla is significantly slower than Dan - but still the light of our lives.
I'm delighted with our family. I don't make a lot of money - Ione gets to stay home and take care of our children, however - and I'm proud to support her.
Lately, Ione has expressed a desire to adopt yet another child.
Kristine - we can't afford another child. Ione stays home, she doesn't have a job. In this economy, the whole idea makes me crazy.
She's such a good person, Kristine. She's a better person than I will ever be. I love her so much.
How can I make my generous wife happy?
Not Good Enough
Dear Not Good Enough.
Let's get one thing clear - you're plenty good in my book:
But please. Oh, please. . . . its clear to me that you are falling short of the fatal rules of a happy marriage.
Everyone knows there are only two.
The first; your partner is always right.
The second - except when your partner wants a child and you do not.
If a woman wants something too expensive - or something that has a heartbeat - a single "no" must fell her.
No one should bring a child (or a ridiculous piece of jewelry) into the world (or the house) unless that child (or diamond ring) is loved and wanted.
It's clear to me that you love your family - - and it's clear to me that Ione wants to do good somewhere - - and thinks the only place she can do that is in her home.
My suggestion - - get your entire, beautiful family involved in a volunteer project. Right now the flooding in Minnesota and Iowa has caused a great deal of damage. NECHAMA - Jewish Response to Disaster is organizing teams of volunteers to go to different communities and help in the post-flooding clean-up.
You don't have to be Jewish to go along. NECHAMA is a great group - you'll meet wonderful new friends and Ione will get a chance to feel terrific about her good work.
I betcha anything Ione will change her mind about this baby business. If she doesn't, see if you can't change her mind with a fabulous piece of jewelry.
And write again. We'll talk.
Good luck, and congratulations on your wonderful family and loving home.
Presbyterian pastor, broadcast commentator, playwright and great friend.