"I know my wife is in love with another man. . ."
I found out last night that my wife is cheating on me. I'm not sure she's having a full-tilt-boogie affair - but I know she's in love with another man. Kristine, what should I do? Should I speak with her right away? Should I kill the guy? I know his family and where he works. I'm so angry I don't know where to turn. Please help. - Spirited Husband
Your question raises other questions. First - are you certain you want to find out the "truth" about your wife's current behavior? If you do, how will you face it? If you are not clear how you would deal with the "worst case scenario," I advise you to look away, wait this out and hope for the best.
If you cannot ignore this, however, then you must confront it, head-on.
To do so means being strong in your affection for your wife You must feel the commitment to your marriage; to the importance of working through this difficult time. Fill your heart with love for her - then confront her with your suspicions. Tell her what and why you suspect her.
Assure her you will not leave her. Tell her how much she means to you - how much you love her. Do NOT tell her you value her for anything other than the love you share; don't mention the kids, her job, her good housekeeping - mention only your love. If you want to work to make this right, tell her how hard you will work.
Then, put your money where your mouth is. Begin today showing her how important this marriage is.
Ask her what she needs, what she wants. Deliver.
But don't be a fool. Give yourself a time frame for your hard attention. Six months from now, if your marriage is not better, think through your next strategy.
Meanwhile, do as Merlin advised Arthur when he confessed his confusion over Guenevere.
In the end - there is no deep, dark secret to making a woman happy. All you must do is love her. Simply love her. Merely love her, love her, love her.
Presbyterian pastor, broadcast commentator, playwright and great friend.